It’s been tough. Life after a traumatic divorce. It’s been even more tough especially when I feel ready to love again. So many questions have plagued me for the past two years; how do i start all over again at this age, who will date a divorcee with a child, where do I meet a new man who would love me right and vice versa, how do I go about it because this woman has been out of this dating thing for awhile now. Why don't more people and relationship coaches talk more about this topic of dating after divorce. I tune in to Famlife on CitiCBS almost every Saturday morning hoping one day they'll discuss this much needed subject. Are we going to ignore single / divorced moms from family life discussions because they don't fit into the traditional word of family anymore? Perhaps one day I'll text the program and pose that question to the panelists.

So I dipped my toe in the Ghana dating pool after almost 2 years being divorced and it turned out to be a cesspool. 🫢. Like what’s going on out there with people of late? When did people become so self-centered? Why does it feel like walking on pins and needles at all the time even at a talking stage or whatever it’s called? Why are there so many labels on relationships too? Can you feel my frustration? 😂

How did I know i was ready to start dating again? My heart was definitely more at peace with my situation. I could talk about the divorce without crying or getting emotional and even chipped in a few laughs at a point. I pray a lot for God to heal my heart and help me to love again so that I believe has been working especially when i tune in randomly to a sermon by Pastor Otabil and he’s suddenly talking about divorce and how God heals the brokenhearted. I find it interesting how of late he hits that topic in a quicksilver fashion. Like so random and I just know the Holy Spirit led me to listen in. It’s taken a lot of self-affirmations to contradict and battle against what I had experienced and to cling more strongly to God’s love for me above everything else.

So back to dating after divorce which I simply call #DaD , it started with being more open to meet new people. I just wanted a friend to chat with, a casual vibe and see where things would lead to. Believe it or not I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror for a long time. Trauma does that to you. You feel unloved and not pretty enough. My weight loss wasn’t even helping but like a fly gnawing on a dog’s ear , i slowly got out of the insecure rut. No amount of negativity was going to hold me down. I got rid of old clothes which didn’t fit anymore and replaced them with colorful and stylish ones. I went out a few times and all i was meeting were GenZ’s ! Ei! The thing funny me pass! By 10pm i was yawning at a cocktail bar bored with loud music and people watching.

I downloaded a dating app , had the opportunity to chat with one guy for two days. On the second day, he revealed his favourite comfort food was Fufu and he was already requesting my phone number. I immediately checked out of the chat. My fufu pounding days are long over and that request was just too soon. I suddenly became more aware of catfish accounts so I deleted the app. This I must have done more than 3 times out of boredom. I befriended a guy on the bird app and our first dinner date was a sham. On the way out of the restaurant, he tried to hold my hand and when I refused, his response was “ Ei! I am not going to rape you.” I was taken aback 🤨 and honestly that put me off. Nope. How do people throw around the rape word so flippantly?

Honestly, there are days I just can’t be bothered because it all sounds so super stressful! I’d rather hide in my duvet and Netflix. But for how long can i resort to duvet covert operations? I swear everyone is on edge in relationships or it’s just Twitter giving off that vibe? Interesting how just today, I came across several tweets about dating a single mom which were ignorant replies from a statement Jocelyn Dumas made about single moms with a kid(s). All the male replies were cancelling out dating a single mom stating reasons such as baby daddy issues, choosing their child over you etc. My question is “Which Mother will not defend her child over you?” Most single moms would stand by their children before the man they’re dating. Learn how to love another man’s child if you are dating the child’s Mom. It’s a lot of learning and progress but it looks as though many guys would rather avoid that arduous path. And do people think of the emotional and mental struggles for single moms to choose who to date? Nope.

A divorce makes you take a look back at the things you used to love which you dropped along the way cos life. I have gone back to learning how to draw, paint and writing more on this blog. I took up swimming lessons a few weeks ago to break through that ceiling of fear caused by this trauma and it’s crazy how I’ve graduated to breast strokes. Self care is very important for me before making this new step. Keeping busy helps with the loneliness and going to interesting conversation buzzing events also.

Small small, pressure from my Mom was rising from the surface. “Look for a man eh. A companion would be good for you.” If only she knew what the dating market looked like 🤣. The unavoidable truth is I am no spring chicken and I have a child and another one is out of the question 🤣🤣. It’s crazy how people will be saying, “Born your daughter’s back” (translate in Twi or Ga its way funnier), Ei Ghanaians! They’ll never get context or have respect for boundaries. One time I had to strongly advise a church member against such comments after she asked, “What am I waiting for?” Anyway, back to the topic. Most divorced people look to remarry especially the men according to this research by Pew Research read with a lesser percentage of women looking to resettle after widowhood or divorce.

Why do i want to date again after a divorce? Why would I want to put my heart on the line again? Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but honestly I don’t like loneliness. i know what it means to be alone and being lonely. Two different things. I have a great daughter who can talk from dawn to dusk if i let her but that’s a mother-daughter relationship which i cherish but I want a man in my life. To have someone in your corner to share life with is priceless. Something many take for granted today. Or even a friend to chat about what’s happening in town and life in general. I think it’s also exciting to get to meet new people and get to know their thoughts on life happenings.

It gets frustrating a lot especially on exhaustive days where I just want to cuddle up with someone and talk about my day and ask about his day over a glass of Chianti. There are nights, I eat out by myself and enjoy the solace of a quiet dinner but also more nights where i crave heartfelt conversations at dinner. I have really come to understand God’s Word in Ecclesiastes which focuses on “the Power of 2” where two people can accomplish more together in battle, at home, in becoming successful at projects etc. ”Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.“ Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT

How did you start dating again if you are in my position? Share in the comments below because I need tips. Dating apps aren’t doing it for me. Is it only me but when single suddenly the wrong sorts of men come your way, especially the married ones! Nope!

the number of times I have asked God why this had to happen at this time of life; countless. So many lessons learnt by the way. I have learnt what it means to be strong as a mother even when your world is falling apart . How to keep it together for the sake of your child. No wonder even God says, “ For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “ Malachi 2:16 NLT . The All-knowing God knows and can relate!

I really hate it here 🫠🤦‍♀️😒🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️